Send in the Locusts

Allie Brosh

At our outdoor distanced dinner this week here at Maison Marianne, we laughed about a post on social media that said “I think my bingo card for 2020 is full.” And it’s only August.

Remember when the corrupt Senate impeachment process was the worst news? That was a million years ago in February. Since then, a global pandemic, economy tanking, demonstrations and rioting.

As if all of that wasn’t enough, this week in California: 560 raging fires and the worst air quality in the world after two days of rare lightening storms.

And there is just a lot of surreal going on, stuff that seems hard to imagine at any other time and now seems like a normal day. Here are a few examples of 2020 Americana.

Potty Mouth. Oregon Police had to send out an APB to remind local residents not to call 911 for toilet paper. https://www.npr.org/2020/03/17/817205813/oregon-police-remind-residents-dont-call-911-if-you-run-out-of-toilet-paper

Twilight Zone. The president of the United States announced that the flu pandemic of 1917 ended World War II, which ended in 1945.  https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-claims-1917-pandemic-ended-world-war-ii-which-began-in-1939

The Talking Dead. Susan B. Anthony, a 19th century American suffragist, declined a presidential pardon. https://www.npr.org/2020/08/20/904321406/susan-b-anthony-museum-rejects-president-trumps-pardon-of-the-suffragette

Believe them when they tell you who they are. The president’s former campaign chief was arrested for stealing your “build the wall” money after he joked that he was going to steal your “build the wall” money.  https://www.thedailybeast.com/video-bannon-joked-in-2019-about-build-the-wall-founder-stealing-funds-to-buy-luxury-boat

The Biblical. Scientists tracked down a deadly “murder hornet” in the US after finding a hive-ful of headless bees. https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/male-murder-hornet-captured-in-the-u-s-as-scientists-rush-to-stop-their-spread/ar-BB18a2fe?li=BBnbcA1

We Are Not Alone. The US Government now admits that there are UFOs out there. And they remain unidentified. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/23/us/politics/pentagon-ufo-harry-reid-navy.html

Deliverance. Almost 5,000 baby chicks and uncounted other animals have died in the US mail after the federal government slowed mail deliveries as part of a scheme to deprive Americans of their right to vote.  https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2020/08/22/chicks-cockroaches-crickets-frogs-how-mail-delays-are-affecting-live-animal-trade/

Thank god a few things are going well somewhere in the world…

It snowed chocolate in Switzerland. https://www.insider.com/swiss-town-covered-in-chocolate-snow-lindt-factory-malfunction-olten-2020-8

Remember when the big debate was about taking a knee?

 

12 comments

  1. 20 years ago there was a movie called Magnolia, the climax in a storm of raining frogs.

    Only this time it’s not a movie.

  2. Hurrah for the Susan B. Anthony Museum! Hurrah for Bannon being indicted! And hurrah for chocolate rain!

    But please refrain from releasing the locusts. Enough is enough!

  3. And now EVEN the Republican led US Senate has found that Trump campaign folks and hangers on colluded with Russia intelligence to cause grave harm to the 2016 election.

    1. It’s gotta be pretty obvious for them to admit that. It’s an interesting list of people on the Republican Convention guest list this week. Even more interesting to see who are not joining.

  4. Just loved the way you summed up 2020 thus far 🙂 Without a doubt, we’re living in the Twilight Zone. Can’t wait for the next space flight back to Earth! Or is it Mars? Forgive me, those ‘murder hornets’ droning in my ears have me all confused.

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